What I Would Do

If you make the choice to cheat on me you will pay,
Just remember I’m doing this because I LOVED you.
I would call you a liar because you said you never would.
I would hijack your 2008 rally red Mitsubishi Lancer,
Drive down dirt roads, through as many pot holes as possible as fast as I can.
Take a crow bar to the body to let go of my rage,
Key your seats with my initials so you never forget me,
Tear off your 17” expensive black rims and leave them to rust,
Punch out all your windows
Take a baseball bat to your new headlights,
Steal your touch screen radio, brand new amp, and your bangin’ subs.
I would return your car all desirably dirtied and beaten up,
Blaring nothing but your favorite country music.
Once you see what I have done you will wish you were dead,
If you knew me at all, you’d know I’m not done
You won’t want to see it up close but you won’t have a choice,
I will lure you out of your house with a trail of Swedish fish,
I will tie you up and make you watch
As I pour your oh-so-adored Monster Energy all over the ground,
You watch with tears in your eyes,
I will spray paint your car your favorite poker hand
Black Jack of spades Red two of hearts
Just to let you know how dumb it really is!
Standing there Awe-Struck that a girl like me could do so much impairment
I will take off those fancy new tires; put them in a nice neat pile,
Take your newly found cigarette lighter
And show how bad smoking really is
I will light your tires on fire with a wicked smile on my face.
Just when you think I’m done,
“Oh Baby wait…I made you dinner.”
It’s your favorite, Seafood surprise.
You did this to yourself
You ruined something amazing
Have a good life alone and miserable
Because you will never meet anyone quite like me